I am not referring to the Kylie Minogue song but, and I never thought I would stoop this low, am referring to the Kylemore Restaurant chain and for that matter every other bleeding restaurant I now enter. Indeed this story is a note of caution for anyone about to enter into a secondary research project. Folks help me, but I am taken over, diseased, by all this secondary research conducted into the Kylemore cafes and latterly The Avoca which has me sizing up, grading and pigeon holing every restaurant I now enter. . Only today at lunch time did I find that even weeks after learning about all the different restaurant categories i.e. White Table Cloth, Casual, On The Go, Fast Food, I was still overpowered by the research monster. Yes the Research Monster, it lives! Having only stepped in the door for the first time to a sizeable hot food restaurant, that I wont name, only a stones throw from the DCU Ryan Academy, I found myself launching into a sudden, insatiable and uncontrollable urge to emit all the restaurant research I had learned and articulate where this particular establishment fits into the various categories. And I am afraid it did not impress. The research made it sound all so simple and I thought we had every possible cafe and restaurant type comfortably slotted into their natural home. Alas I then decided to pay a visit to this joint. It has notions about itself being white table cloth but only on the basis of the table attire which incidentally was very grubby (no pun intended) but actually has more of the characteristics of the Kylemore,and a casual restaurant yet makes the Kylemore look good, in fact very good. No doubt this was the place to go when times were good and I am sure that the decor was kept up to standard then. My imagination wandered to Miss Havisham of Great Expectations, the gilted bride who never removed her wedding dress decades after being jilted at the altar, and drew comparison with this place also clearly living in the past. I stuck to the cold food menu as I do when intending to make a quick exit and gently reminded myself, and in doing so placating any guilty feeling, that this place could also be categorised as On The Go. Absolutely it could but for all the wrong reasons. Get out quick before they make us eat from the hot food menu! Which incidentally they were giving huge extra large portions of. Not necessarily a good sign. Yes I’d be delighted if I liked what I saw but in this case I was almost getting stomach pains for the customer as she walked away with her plate. Memories from over twenty years ago at the Kylemore in O’Connell Street came flooding back when I ordered vegatable soup and got “Wegetable” soup or so a lone eastern european servant insisted on calling it. Unsuspectingly I downed my “wegetable” soup which was forgetable and yes you guessed it I was like Danny Glover in Leather Weapon II and not going to get off the toilet for twenty four hours! So things appear as if they will never be the same again as I am destined to turn inside out every eatery I enter henceforth. Shall I ever rid myself of this mortal coil?!